Today I become “dole scum”.
A Job Seeker, as per Pauline and her pens, in League of Gentlemen.
Saturday night I also walked the brink of becoming, not homeless, as I don’t have a home, but roomless.
My two cases would have joined me, in living on the street. That’s a bit of a fall from a 3,000 ft home with all the trappings, and a fall that’s occurred all within two months.
It goes to show how ephemeral security is, how fragile trust and love are and how quickly they can turn sour and leave you…I suppose ‘destitute’ is the correct word, without wishing to appear too dramatic.
Fortunately the room is still available, although the air is still tense after an altercation and the obvious solution is to move elsewhere. But there in lies the problem.
Limited funds, with no replenishment of finances. No fixed abode equates to no job, also no shipping address for all my stuff, which I believe is still in Seattle.
No access to banking services, so any money I do have, I can’t get at.
No transport, so I can’t go anywhere unless I’m taken.
No phone, except the US phone which is charging me astronomical roaming rates, can’t even get a pay as you go, because they want a direct debit to set it up, which requires banking which requires an address and proof of an address (utilities bills etc..) I don’t have any.
In one text and a brief phone call, everything, and I do mean every single little aspect of my life, has been changed dramatically, for the worse. If I’d not experienced it, I wouldn’t have thought it possible. There is no safety net.
Today, I could have been living in a hostel (although I believe there’s a waiting list), with only 40 quid to my name. Two months ago, I was regarding hostels as exotic alternatives to a tent, a place where because I’d have had the option to leave, I’d have enjoyed the experience of staying in.” Slumming it” for that authentic travel experience.
That changes when it becomes your only conceivable hope of shelter for the future.
There are many worse off than me. But I nearly joined them and having looked over the brink, I now see how easily anyone can fall. And from where I stood on Saturday, it seemed bottomless.
As it is, I’d say at best, I’m clawing away at a crumbling edge at the moment.
Love and trust in that love don’t half leave you vulnerable, once it’s taken away.