Thought it was about time I added something fresh and a bit more upbeat to this blog as it’s all been a bit of a downer since Nov 2008.
I suppose the one positive to come out of this is that I’m still around. Turning 50 last week could have been a milestone to use as a point from which to kick on, alternatively it could have been a point at which to draw a line under life and just fade away. As it is, it has none of the drama of either and I’ve just acquiesced to the day to day mundanity that is the current situation I find myself in.
At some point in time I will be able to shed more light on the unsatisfactory aspects of the here and now, but not yet. I need to run ahead, to distance myself from the past and to get ahead of the present. Usually the anticipation of the future is enough of a drive, a motivator. Anticipation, such a sweet sensation. Not so now, the future isn’t a hope for better, just a release from the now and the then.
Three teas? I no longer see this as a viable entity for further pursuit, well not for now anyway.
It should have been the key. It should have added the value, made a change, been a positive. It’s now part of what I want to run from…to remove it from my sleeping moments where I have no barriers to keep it away, where there’s nothing fresh to replenish the unwelcomed subconscious.
So what’s the positive?
Well I haven’t given up, even though I’ve wanted to. Out of spite, cowardice, logic,lethargy, fear, bloody mindedness or whatever else, I am still here, desperately looking for what’s next.
I have a plan.