Well keeping in touch with my friends back in Seattle popped up something interesting today.

It appears that whilst my “Wife” is capable of dispatching me, her “husband” out of the USA at a whim, by text message and then not proceeding with the divorce, due to being “busy”, that she isn’t too busy to according to the recommended add a friend post from Facebook and subsequent posting, to be “In a relationship with Gerry Williamson”…well until he goes out of fashion on a whim around about her next panic birthday and ageing dilema I guess.

Good luck to you Gerry, you may get a couple of years but I’m guessing when 49 or 50 comes along you’ll be dropped without a thought…just watch how often the wardrobe changes Sir.

There’s more, but you’ll pick up the signals once it’s too late.

Ah Facebook, helps you keep in touch with those you cared about!

Self absorption seems to be a by-product of the situation I found myself in over the last year and a bit. Inward looking, self analysis, navel gazing, finding oneself, narcissism, self pity, whatever you may wish to call it…

What is lacking is any new aim to create a distraction. Something else to think about.

I’ve now got something where I can unleash a bit of creativity again. Where I can have valued ideas and put them into practise.

I’ve got it…a little late, well very late actually and last minute panic ensues, but that just adds to the challenge.

The UK Touratech Travel Event for June.

I know, a weekend where we need speakers, marquee, advertising, sponsors and all that goes into something like this, planning starting April, is a bit…ridiculous actually, but those are the circumstances I now have to work with.

It shouldn’t be achievable at such short notice.

No doubt it will create more pressure than it should have if it had been started when it must surely be in the future and will be if I get my way…but, and here’s the perverse nature of such a dilemma…it’s got me fired up. It’s got me in to a mind set of, ‘I’ll show you”.

Considering the alternative that I set out at the start of this post, I must say it’s a bright spot to aim for.

I’ll make this a spectacular event, something that will raise the bench mark and leave folks with a desire for more. Bring it on.

Three Teas…well I have a talk to give at Horizons Unlimited’s first Ireland gathering at the end of May. Another rekindling perhaps…from the embers.

And the revamped website for this blog, with all the videos and pictures…nearly there, nearly there…

Thought it was about time I added something fresh and a bit more upbeat to this blog as it’s all been a bit of a downer since Nov 2008.

I suppose the one positive to come out of this is that I’m still around. Turning 50 last week could have been a milestone to use as a point from which to kick on, alternatively it could have been a point at which to draw a line under life and just fade away. As it is, it has none of the drama of either and I’ve just acquiesced to the day to day mundanity that is the current situation I find myself in.

At some point in time I will be able to shed more light on the unsatisfactory aspects of the here and now, but not yet. I need to run ahead, to distance myself from the past and to get ahead of the present. Usually the anticipation of the future is enough of a drive, a motivator. Anticipation, such a sweet sensation. Not so now, the future isn’t a hope for better, just a release from the now and the then.

Three teas? I no longer see this as a viable entity for further pursuit, well not for now anyway.
It should have been the key. It should have added the value, made a change, been a positive. It’s now part of what I want to run from…to remove it from my sleeping moments where I have no barriers to keep it away, where there’s nothing fresh to replenish the unwelcomed subconscious.

So what’s the positive?

Well I haven’t given up, even though I’ve wanted to. Out of spite, cowardice, logic,lethargy, fear, bloody mindedness or whatever else, I am still here, desperately looking for what’s next.

I have a plan.

In a taxi on the way to Panama City airport 12 months ago. My bike had already flown with Girag air cargo, to Bogota, so I was on my way, blissfully unaware that the text message I was about to receive from Karen, would not only change this trip, but my whole life and my outlook on life too.

After a very uncomfortable 11 months of being beholden to my friends and without any real independence, I’m about to have somewhere of my own. To be in a position where I can actually begin to think about being me again and to contemplate what life is and that there is a future, rather than just a killing time.

My new job will see me moving around quite a bit and will of course finally enable me to have some income. 11 months, even when the roof over your head is paid for, still eats into your reserves, especially when there’s nothing, not a penny coming in.

And with an income starting, I won’t have to resort to suing Karen, although it would still be an option considering what has, or rather, what has not, happened.

So bagging up my bits and bobs, spending what little I have left on getting appliances and household stuff (American things don’t work and Karen has almost all of them anyway) and heading for the hills.

The new site should be ready early in the new year. Only trouble is, I’ll be remote, so broadband may not be as readily available, still there will be somewhere I can exchange my money for access I’m sure. I’ll just have to find it.

Liverpool Mac shop has been my link to the outside world. My only contact with people, apart from the odd ride out with the GSers and of course Rob and Gill, my saviours from a life on the street (not wishing to seem melodramatic here, but given the total lack of support from the Government bodies and I mean none at all, I would have been on the streets without their help. I can see how easily folk can fall through gaps in what professes to be a civilised society, full of caring and charitable institutions with initiatives here, there and everywhere, yet none would have prevented me from being destitute).

It was good to be able to treat Rob and Gill to dinner last night. Scant return on all of their hospitality, but heart felt thanks, none the less.

11 very traumatic and pressurised months and the friendship has held up…that’s the only good thing to have come out of this. That and a realisation that I need to harden up and never put myself in a position where I am so beholden to someone else’s whim and fancy, that they can cause anything like this to happen again.

Trust has taken on an unsavoury edge. Not one I like to have to implement, but one I’ve learned I must put in place.