well when I set out on this trip I expected to pass a number of milestone, but I never expected or indeed wanted to reach this one.
The State of Washington today officially ended my marriage to Karen. Now the Karen of today certainly isn’t the Karen I married, far from it, but if she feels being what she is now makes her a better person, well that’s for her and her conscience to deal with.
Suffice to say, it seems the US legal system offers a better deal to folk who are:
1. still in the USA
2. financially able to buy law
3. prepared to lie to gain advantage and have no scruples about this
Sad day, but when I was told justice and law aren’t the same thing, I expected and got the worst.
Well, let’s hope karma brings about the real justice if the courts can’t, but just once wouldn’t it be nice to see ‘the system’ actually work for the folk telling the truth, rather than the folk with the means?
Will it change my life?
Well I doubt it. I still wont enter into a relationship of any description, not that the chance has arisen, not that I’m looking for that chance either. I guess divorced would be easier to explain than what Karen actually did and the limbo and unhappiness that created, but then again, I don’t foresee anyone I’ll need to explain it to and I feel an obligation not to share my unhappiness with anyone in person, this blog being my outlet, so live an isolated life for now and the future.
Setting out on this trip was a means to securing a future, not the future I now see inevitably before me however.
I suppose if you are going to spend your life creating unhappiness for others, then as long as you keep moving ahead fast enough, without looking back at the misery you’ve caused, you could convince yourself that everything was always turning out for the best.
Must be tiring though and then there’s got to be that nagging doubt that one day, just one day it will all catch up with you. You’ll be the oldest person clubbing, you’ll show the signs of the drink, the number of people who you dumped along the way will exceed the number of people you can still call friends, people will start dumping you…
Cosmetics can only cover the cracks.
Bitter? No. Disappointed? Undoubtedly. Unhappy? Certainly.
I’m not enjoying being who I’ve become as a result of this trip and what happened along the way, but I am wiser. I do look back, with a clear conscience, but I no longer look forward.