While the practicalities of daily life have been disturbing enough to keep me distracted, the emotional side of the events that have unfolded, have been, fortunately, secondary. Not so today, or for the next few days.

I’m moving to a cottage in the Lake District. A beautiful location, but one full of emotional ties. It’s where Karen celebrated her 40th Birthday, but even more memorable, it’s where we spent part of our honeymoon, on the way up to Scotland.

So, this should be the icing on the cake.

Well now I aspire to be dole scum. Apparently, I don’t even qualify for them to give me job search help.

I suppose it could have been worse, they could have charged me for their time.

“i’ve looked at your claim, and because you were out of the country 2006-2007 you aren’t entitled to anything for job seekers allowance”

“Do I still get the 40 minutes consultation about jobs in the area?”

“No. But if you have access to the internet. You know what that is don’t you? Then you can see the jobs-On-line there”.

So nothing. Nada, nilch. No help at all. Seems I’m falling through all of the cracks. better start looking for cardboard boxes at this rate and saving Sunday Supplements for bedding…yes, seriously!

Today I become “dole scum”.

A Job Seeker, as per Pauline and her pens, in League of Gentlemen.

Saturday night I also walked the brink of becoming, not homeless, as I don’t have a home, but roomless.

My two cases would have joined me, in living on the street. That’s a bit of a fall from a 3,000 ft home with all the trappings, and a fall that’s occurred all within two months.

It goes to show how ephemeral security is, how fragile trust and love are and how quickly they can turn sour and leave you…I suppose ‘destitute’ is the correct word, without wishing to appear too dramatic.

Fortunately the room is still available, although the air is still tense after an altercation and the obvious solution is to move elsewhere. But there in lies the problem.

Limited funds, with no replenishment of finances. No fixed abode equates to no job, also no shipping address for all my stuff, which I believe is still in Seattle.

No access to banking services, so any money I do have, I can’t get at.

No transport, so I can’t go anywhere unless I’m taken.

No phone, except the US phone which is charging me astronomical roaming rates, can’t even get a pay as you go, because they want a direct debit to set it up, which requires banking which requires an address and proof of an address (utilities bills etc..) I don’t have any.

In one text and a brief phone call, everything, and I do mean every single  little aspect of my life, has been changed dramatically, for the worse. If I’d not experienced it, I wouldn’t have thought it possible. There is no safety net.

Today, I could have been living in a hostel (although I believe there’s a waiting list), with only 40 quid to my name. Two months ago, I was regarding hostels as exotic alternatives to a tent, a place where because I’d have had the option to leave, I’d have enjoyed the experience of staying in.” Slumming it” for that authentic travel experience.

That changes when it becomes your only conceivable hope of shelter for the future.

There are many worse off than me. But I nearly joined them and having looked over the brink, I now see how easily anyone can fall. And from where I stood on Saturday, it seemed bottomless.

As it is, I’d say at best, I’m clawing away at a crumbling edge at the moment.

Love and trust in that love don’t half leave you vulnerable, once it’s taken away.

My un-ending thanks must go and indeed do go to Kevin, Toni and Matt, plus the M3 series of cats. Giving me not only shelter but also companionship and friendship, when what I needed most of all was those two things.
For being sounding boards as I sought to work out what had happened and, what was about to happen.
For all of that and so much more, I will be eternally grateful.

May you be blessed with all the joys a festive season can bring, at your Scotland retreat.

And now an equally humbling thanks is extended to Rob and Gill, who likewise, have thrown open their house and offered their unquestioning friendship, back here in the UK.

It’s been a common theme throughout the Three Teas Tour, that when I’ve needed help, people, sometimes complete strangers, have stepped up and offered. Generosity beyond expectation and in expectation of nothing in return.
I have been fortunate to meet these people. Obviously I have and what follows is in no way a lessening of the gratitude I feel for those I encountered, however, and this is in part the theme of Three Teas, the fear that you will somehow be stranded in a remote place, without any help, is a fear born out of ignorance. Ignorance of the fact that people are essentially friendly, helpful, generous and will be there for you. For while I believe those who have helped me are special, exceptional, those of you who may ever find yourselves in even remotely similar situations, will find your own exceptional people too.

Karen?
Who knows?

All I can tell you is, that last night was the first where my dreams didn’t include her in some disturbing way. I put it down to having my subconscious being overwhelmed by indigestion. I’d forgotten what eating pickled onions and stilton late at night could do to you. But in order to avoid the dreams I’ve been having, it looks like that will be supper again this evening. By far the lesser of two evils.

As I will be running around trying to re establish my banking, social security, national insurance, personal insurances, transport and everything else that was let go when Karen and I moved to the States, my time will be limited, so may I express my heartfelt thanks to all who have wished me well and whose paths I’ve crossed, both for the Three Teas Tour and with the subsequent fall out from that trip. Have the most splendid of times this Christmas and beyond.

I hope our paths cross again, you’ve all changed my life in someway.

If I may bestow upon you one wish, it’s that ignorance is removed from your lives and the fear that goes with it is gone too.

Remind me to tell you all about the “chikin” man and the Austrian.

Central Asia Institute

If you doubt the effectiveness of this organization, read the book Three Cups of Tea (purchase it through the Amazon link at www.threecupsoftea.com and they will get over $1/book purchased, plus 7% on anything else you buy through that link) That $1 will educate a girl at a CAI school for one month. The website also says that their program expenses lately have been affected by Mortenson’s travel schedule, promoting the book. This man and his organization are amazing.

The schools are in Pakistan and Afghanistan, and without the religious elements being taught, the kids that go to these schools will have a better comprehension of the world and acceptance of the differences that occur within that world.